Thermostat vs. Thermometer

A mother is only as happy as her most unhappy child.

I've never heard a truer statement. The older my kids have gotten the more effected I am by their moods - it's worse than living with a mood ring.

But feelings are a fickle fellow - I'm not sure what exactly that means but it's fun to say - try it...... ten times fast...

Anyway

I can't live my life on the emotions of those around me, let alone my own ups and downs. It got me thinking about a thermostat and a thermometer. The later responds to it's environment. It has no control over how high or low it goes, it's subject to the whims of the temperature.

But a thermostats sets the temperature. If it wants to be hot, it's hot, if it wants to be cold, it's cold. It is not ruled by the environment - it rules it.

I think our emotions should be the same way - don't get me wrong - emotions are not evil. It's when we let them rule our lives that we get into trouble.

God tells us in Proverbs 17:27 " A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered."

I am striving to be "even-tempered". I must admit as a young mom that was not a word that would describe me. I was a little high strung and "quick-tempered". God is teaching me the importance of the "pause".  Taking a breath, hearing another person out, focusing on what really matters and looking at the big picture. Being even tempered takes work and practice. It may not come naturally but it is defiantly something I can achieve.

This has also effected the way I respond to my kids emotions. Instead of getting sucked into their feelings I am praying first and responding second. Many times by the time I get to responding the "crisis" is over.

So here's to being Thermostats. They are much more stable, reliable and easier to live with - just ask my family.

Follow Up

So many of you (ok, three of you) have asked how Creation went - especially the food!! No one was poisoned, sickened or constipated (actually our youth pastor has a contest every year where he puts the kids name on the white board and when they poop they are out of the contest - needless to say that is one contest I am happy to lose)
Everything went great. First of all the weather was fantastic with the last day (Saturday) being the only day that was unbearably hot and it eventually rained that night for about 20 minutes but it felt great. That is always an answer to prayer - the first year we went to creation it rained the whole time - people were mud sliding down the side of the hill - which is fun, but terribly messy!! And cooking in the rain is NEVER fun! So I am so happy for that.
I was especially happy how all the meals worked out and were super healthy. I got a card from one mom who is into healthy eating (no Anne, it isn't you) and she was happy for the good food and said "Man does not live by twinkie alone" haha.
The funny thing was, most of the kids gravitated to the fruit and veggies - I guess they wanted out of the contest too!
And Colin and Jorie drove up Friday nite to surprize the boys -the look on Ryan's face was priceless!




After heading out Sat. nite, we did a quick load of wash, rented an Expedition (we figured it's cheaper to rent a vehicle for a week than replace our worn out van which we don't need all that room on a daily basis) And head up to Vermont for a week of vacation - yes - honest to goodness family time! Friends of ours have a house on the side of the mountain and our sooooo gracious to let us use it! There is no TV, internet, phone service, it is heaven!!

We fish, hike, swim, read, jump off cliffs (not Jorie and I) visit the country store, roast marshmellows, watch fireworks, set off fireworks, visit Ben and Jerry's, shoot guns (not me) play volleyball, oh, did I say play volleyball and generally relax. It is one of my favorite vacation spots.


One thing we like to do is spend some time praying for each other. As we sat in our little circle and prayed for the person on our right I realized this would be our last time together for a while. I am so thankful for the fam. that God has given me and that each one seeking God in all they do - what more could a mom ask for!

So now we are in the midst of Vacation Bible School - and as I hold a little one in my lap I am reminded how quickly the time goes and to make the most of every moment - the good, the bad, the ugly.

Bad News

Well, I think blogging might be a little bit like knitting - it is best done in the winter!!

With the nice weather, all four kids at home and a week off of school, the last thing I was interested in doing was sitting at a computer (plus, there wasn't a lot of "savings" going on in the Garven household). We just dropped Colin off at the airport, so here I am!

Here are a few highlights from the past couple of weeks!

* Colin's girlfriend Jorie came for a visit from Canada! We have prayed for our kids since they were little to marry Christians who are committed to their faith and also prayed selfishly that we would love them too - Jackpot on all requests! We love her almost as much as Colin does - thank you God - 1 down, 3 to go!

* Spent a few days with my brother and family at their cabin - great time with them doing all those fun outdoor stuff (yes, that is a gun in Cam's hand) - until we came home early with two sinus infections and one headache. Our Dr. is loving us!!

* Ryan's volleyball team is in first place in their league - is there a better sport than volleyball - it's indoors, fast moving and done within an hour - perfect! He also had college orientation at PBU where he will be going in the Fall - Health and PE Major. And he turned 18 on Earth Day - yes, an Earth Day Birthday!!

*Dylan is playing in the worship band at church for Youth Sunday - go Dylan!! He is amazing us with his music - mostly self taught and now he is giving lessons - he even has Megan as one of his students - he said she's not too bad!!

* Cam and I drove a group of ladies from Cornerstone Church to see Joseph at Sight and Sound - they had just finished studying this in their Bible Study that a couple women from our church teach  - they were so excited to see the Bible come to life, get out of the city and eat at Cracker Barrel - great day!

* Colin and Jorie got free tickets to the Flyers Game 7 - it's not what you know, but who you know! -Thanks Rick!

* Had a meaningful worship time at church - Seder Demonstration on Good Friday, a phenomenal worship service on Easter and a great dinner with our dear friends the Murrays (minus one favorite - missed you Laureen) We ate outside, had intense volleyball games and a lackluster Easter Egg Hunt - let's kick it up a notch Michael and Sophie!!

* The kids surprised us with an Anniversary/Mother's Day Dinner and a Movie - planned and paid for by the four of them - finally - those diaper changes are paying off! If you have little ones, don't give up - they grow up and bless your socks off!

* And our biggest news was Megan accepting a 3rd grade teaching position in the Dominican Republic! We are thrilled and missing her already - keep reminding me that I want her in God's Will :)

I feel really "full" right now - It's wonderful when all the kids are back home and we are sitting around the table laughing and reminiscing - it's amazing how quickly the time has gone by - we have young adults! My encouragement to you today is to enjoy the time, moment, activity - it will never come this way again. I'm trying to be in the present - not longing for the past, wishing for the future, but living right now - in that way I can make better cents and sensibility!

Great Expectations!

We met up with some old friends a couple of weekends ago. We planned to meet half way between our houses. We told them to pick the restaurant and we would meet them there. Now, to tell the whole truth they sent us a link to the restaurant they picked but we really only looked at the address so we could GPS it - food is food - right??

That's what we thought! Cam and I are not picky eaters and enjoy new things, but when the waiter came over and said he would have to "explain" the menu we knew we were in over our heads. We are not "expense account" diners - the church kind of frowns on that so when we pick a place to eat, it usually is reasonable and comes with a tray!

This place was a Tapas restaurant - I'm not even sure I'm spelling that right - it essentially means "little plates" or "tiny bites" - oh, cool, appetizers - Wrong again - why don't I just quick while I'm behind.

There were about 15 items on the menu all exquisitely described and the waiter told us he would arrange when the food would come out - don't all waiters do that??

We ordered 5 items and the first arrived - a cheese plate - yum - with 5 pieces of cheese the size of a postage stamp each - yikes I knew we were in trouble. The food continued in this size proportions. It was a bit awkward splitting a spare rib into fourths - but some how we managed!

In defense this was some of the best food I have ever tasted! It just was in "doll-size" portions. Is it rude to ask for seconds?

Which brings me to my point (finally, I know) If we had taken the time to read the menu before we went, we would have been prepared for the "experience". Which would have involved a pre-meal. But since we weren't we went away a little hungry.

How many times are my expectations dashed because I don't take the time to have a clear understanding of what will take place, what is expected of me, or what I expect of others. I do more communicating in my head sometimes than I do with the person I need to.

If I am mad at my husband, I need to let him know why and how we can work it out. If my kids are disappointing me, do they know what it is I wanted them to do in the first place. If a friend isn't "there" for me - did they know about the "appointment" in the first place.

We are not mind readers! When I was a kid I used to play a game where I would try to guess what card would be picked out of the deck - I lost every time. God has equipped us with mouths not ESP. So use them to speak clearly to others and then listen quietly - it is amazing how easily our expectations can be met when we do that!

P.S. - we had a GREAT visit with our friends and the after dinner coffees at Starbucks seemed cheap after that:)

Molasses Drop

Yes, yesterdays blog titled "Procrastination" was an attempt at an April Fools Joke -how did I do??   Anyway...

When someone at home is putting off  a task or taking their time to get ready we have an affectionate name we call them - "molasses drop". At times we have a sticky group of people living with us! Procrastination is something that can drive parents crazy! The natural reaction for parents is to take over for a child when they are taking too long to complete something. When Jr. is dawdling while putting on their shoes, we step in. Taking too long to finish a story, we finish it for them. Slowly putting their toys away, we pick up an arm full and complete it. But we do our kids more harm than good when we take over for them. Part of parenting is getting our kids to independence - do we really want to have to tie our 17 year old shoes and zip their jacket??

We must be motivators when it comes to independence. Teaching our children how to complete the task, clearly  and patiently - oh, did I say patiently! Little kids can only repeat 1 step instructions, by 1st grade they are up to 3 step instructions. We must be willing to break down a task into completable steps for their age, or picture clues as to what come next. In my pantry I had labels for where I wanted the food to be stored, partly because I'm weird and partly because no one had an excuse for not putting groceries away where they belonged. And do you know how much time you can save when you don't have to hunt for the olive oil? This works great for toys, clothing and tools.

Next, it is key to leave "wiggle" room. (no, not for watching a group of men sing children's songs) but margins for completing a task. If you need to be out the door in 5 minutes - you should have given the warning 15 minutes ago to clean up, get dressed, pack a snack. Every Sunday Cam gives us the departure time for that day - there is no excuse not to be ready (one of his famous lines is "I'm in the van"!) We all like to know how much time we have left so use that technique with your kids  and yourself. I tend to get "lost" when I'm on the computer, but if I set a time limit for myself, there is not excuse to look up and realize 5 hours have gone by!This also works well when leaving someone elses house - it helps  to cut down on the departure meltdowns! Give your kids a time warning and then stick with it. Setting timers is a great visual for kids or playing a song - when the song is done, it's time to clean up or you can sing the Barney clean up song while you put toys away. It also helps for homework - if they are dreading a difficult project have them work for 20 minutes - once they get going, it may seem more doable!

As kids become teenagers a different problem crops up - selective hearing! Lists and notes are great for communicating with teens. It takes all the emotion out of the situation - it's hard to roll your eyes at a piece of paper. When I leave for work in the morning I will often make a list of chores they can do when they get home from school - a full, clean dishwasher may seems obvious to you and me to unload, but to a teenager, not so much. I tape the note to the door knob so there is no excuse!

I love lists! What I like the best is crossing off the item once it is accomplished. Sometimes if I make the list in the middle of the task, I will write a finished job on the list just so I can cross it off. Help your child learn to focus on how he'll feel when the job is finished - not how he feels while he's doing it. It's also a good idea to build in small rewards for finishing an unpleasant task - when I finished doing my taxes I had a big bowl of ice cream.

Crummy jobs are part of life - we all have to do somethings we don't like. Putting off, delaying, procrastinating all prolong the agony. But when we set our minds to completing a job, approach it positively, set goals along the way, the self satisfaction is well worth it - and trust me, nobody likes to be called a molasses drop!

Stone Soup

The best part about teaching first grade is that you read these nostalgic stories and then get to make the food that is in them. We just finished one such story and decided to make Stone Soup.

Let me refresh your memory. Stone Soup is about the hungry soldier who comes into town and no one will share their food with him. So he tells them that he is going to make stone soup. They are intrigued. First he put in the stone and then adds water. But do you know what would make this soup really good would be some carrots, well, wouldn't you know someone has some carrots. And potatoes would really make it taste better, oh, wouldn't you know someone has potatoes. And so the story goes until they have a full pot of delicious vegtable soup and oh yeah, there is a stone inside it too!

So each student brought in veggies and we made Stone Soup - but you could probably guess some of the responses we got - "I don't like it" (with fingers pinching his nose) "You've never had it before, so there is no way you can know!" Each child got a small helping and all but one tried it - some had 3 helpings!

So you can draw the moral - sharing is better than hoarding!

But what does that look like in real life! We used to live in townhouses that were connected. On summer nights we would decide on a menu and everyone would bring something. One would bring salad, another pasta, and another meatballs. The kids would play and the adults would sit around and "visit". One night my neighbor was commenting on how good the chilli was. She asked what the  recipe was. The cook told her that after every meal he would put the families leftovers into a tupperware container including whatever was left on his baby's high chair tray. Then he would add it to the chili. My neighbor just about threw up!  So maybe sharing isn't good!!

But you get the point, the Bible tells us if you have two coats, give one to someone who doesn't have any. Look around, what is it that you could be adding to the "pot"? Pray today and let the Holy Spirit tell you what it is you should do. Maybe it is sharing your time, your money, your food, your clothes, your cars, your house... If you have never done this before, it is fun. Get real quiet and real still and just listen....no, I mean really listen. And then act on what it is God is asking you to do. You probably already know what it is and you have been making excuses why you can't or that God must have you mixed up with someone else - no it's you (and me) that He is talking to.

Just the other day God was prompting me to call a friend who had shared with me a work struggle. Well, I put it off - doesn't God know that I work all day and then I have to make dinner, do the laundry, blah, blah, blah. Well, by Thursday, she called me - I guess God was tired of waiting on me and I missed out on obeying God and the blessings that brings- my bad! But other times I do listene - like the time I sent a note in the mail to a friend and was able to encourage her through some tough times.

It's pretty exciting to live this way - taking time to read the Bible, pray and then  listen to what God would have you to do. Try it - and just like Stone Soup you may like it! Sharing with others makes cents and sensibility!

Two Ears and One Mouth

About 7 years ago an Artist in Residence came to our school and created a wall tile sculpture. Each of the students painted a tile and the teachers each molded an apple and wrote a saying on it. It was then hung on a clay tree. It is pretty magnificant. On my apple I wrote the verse "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry".

Sometimes I am "the enforcer". I am a teacher's assistant who works with Learning Support and Autistic Support students. As I am sitting on the carpet (yes, most of my day is spent sitting "like a pretzel on the carpet")  I sit there and watch. I make sure they have their eyes on the speaker, hands to themselves, and that they are understanding what is being taught. I will also say over and over - "look at your friends, is what you are doing making sense!?" Try that saying with your friends! Another good saying is - "I'm confused - what should you be doing?"

I also have a number of hand signals to redirect the students. I have the 2 fingers in the air which means I have to go to the bathroom, flat hand over my head means you are going "over the top" and a swipe down my face into a fist at my chest means - "get your self control". I love using the signals - they are quick and get the point across - with very little talking involved. And don't underestimate the power of the "evil eye"!

It strikes me as funny that I have become such a disciplinarian. When I had my own classroom in Dallas, that was my weakest trait. I loved to teach, interact with the kids, create bulletin boards, but I hated the discipline. I think because I didn't know how. But enter 4 children of my own and I became quite good at discipline. I had to! But I was sort of a "hammer" disciplinarian. I came down quick and hard - very little wiggle room. Something I have learned through teaching is to be more of a "screwdriver" - "Work" the discipline in, leaving room for it to sink in and hopefully stick. Nails are pretty easy to pull out, screws take a little more time!

The reason I put that verse on my apple is because I am "living" it everyday  - "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry." I love that verse! And I use it everyday in the classroom. So many times if I pause before I react, I see the whole picture and it is not always what I think it is - for example we have a rule in our class that you have to ask to go to the bathroom, but you can get up at anytime to get a tissue (we are trying to discourage nose picking and eating). So when a student gets up, my first reaction is to ask if they have permission, but if I pause for a minute, I might see them getting a tissue - no big deal.

A number of you have asked me for more parenting ideas - well here is one. When I think back on my parenting, I could have used this technique - instead of reacting immediately to the situation, take a minute to look and listen and then respond - it would have saved me a ton of apologies to my kids and taught them to take the time to hear the other person's side of the story. Now, don't get me wrong, we are the parents and I'm not a big advocate of talking a situation to death, but I do think we do our family and friends a disservice by immediately forming an opinion and issuing the punishment. I can name numerous situations with my kids that if I had paused to see the whole situation, my reaction would have been very different and I think it would have resulted in a better correction.

Yes, I also said friends, this doesn't just apply to those in our family - we should be doing this with our friends, too. How many times have I formed an opinion of why a friend did or said something without taking the time to talk with them about it. I think this is where the anger comes into this verse. If we take the time to listen and take our time to speak, it helps to slow down or even eliminate the anger that can creep into our hearts.

There is a reason God gives us two ears and just one mouth. I need to use my two ears to listen and observe the whole situation and then use my one mouth -choosing my words carefully. It will help me to be the person God intends me to be - And it doesn't hurt to ask myself -  "is what I'm doing making sense?" Now that makes sense!!

Stroll Down Memory Lane

On Saturday we took a little drive. We only had Dylan with us but the day was beautiful and I had the desire to do something we had done a lot of when the kids were little - Drive.

My kids were great travelers. We would strap them into their car seats and we could drive and drive - usually we would have an "Adventure in Odyssey" CD in our radio (more on that at a later time!) We also live in a beautiful area to drive. We have mountains, farmland, rivers - Bucks County is really a pretty area!

Long ago friends took us down a little dirt road up in Buckingham. It was like driving into a Hobbit Village. The temperature dropped, the trees were enormous, the creek was flowing. It was so picturesque! And at the end was a fenced in yard with Miniature Baby Doll Sheep - complete with bells around their necks that told you their names. They had a little gumball machine filled with feed that you could buy to feed the sheep and chickens and ducks. It was so peaceful and serene. We just loved it and we went back often when the kids were little.

So on this day we took a drive - we probably hadn't been back in 8 years - Dylan barely remembered going and we made 2 wrong turns trying to find it, but alas, we did and it didn't disappoint - it was just as I remembered - actually eerily just as I remembered! Nothing had changed! The little mill was the same, the creek, the sheep (although they had just been sheered) the chickens chasing down the feed, even the little row boat propped up against the fence was the same. But as I looked at my husband and almost grown son, I realized how much our lives have changed! Gone was the day of little children with big dreams - replaced with big children, living out their dreams! I am glad we have these memories to look back on.

It was a little emotional, but good, I'm glad we aren't in the same place we were back then - don't get me wrong - I loved that time, but it is good to grow. When I am living in the change, I don't always realize it is happening - every time someone see Ryan they remark about how tall he is getting - I don't see it on a daily basis!

But it is good! I am working to embrace the growth - enjoying the moment of that day - not wishing for what was, or hoping for what will be, but appreciating what is right now. I have always said that I want to be only where God wants me to be - I also want this for my children, so if I say that I must be willing to accept whatever it is that God brings into my life - living in the present makes sense for me.

Are You Spoiled Rotten?

Last week I had a massage - now wait, let me explain - every year I have to take 20 hours of continuing education. My district provides free workshops so I have no excuse not to get my hours. Last month I attended a workshop taught by a chiropracter who talked about the importance of overall health and how it effects your learning. If you answered a question correctly he gave you a gift certificate for a 1/2 hour massage - it was the best workshop EVER!

I said before that the first servant I would hire would be a masseuse so you can imagine how "special" this was to me. Actually, I just found out my brother owns a massage table - maybe I'll see if he is looking for work!

I thought it would be fun to talk about home spa ideas. It can get pricey to say the least to pamper yourself but it is nice to do, so if you can recreate the experience at home, why not? And better yet, invite a few friends over and make it a girls night out!

1. Hair - put a good conditioner on your hair and take a plastic bag and wrap your hair in it. The heat created will help the conditioner absorb better. While you wait - start your facial. Make sure your face is clean.

2. Facial - boil water and pour into a bowl - add a chamomile or mint tea bag and place a towel over your head making a tent over the bowl - be careful it isn't too hot. Relax breathing in and out through your nose (this is great for your sinuses). Splash ice cold water over your face to close your pores - you will be glowing for hours!! Rinse conditioner from hair.

3. Masks - there are so many good "make at home" masks out there -google it. Just be careful with the ingredients that they don't irritate your skin - there is nothing beautiful about a skin rash.

4. Pedicure - I love to paint my nails, but I don't do my fingers too often since it starts to chip so soon and my toes last forever - maybe because I don't wash dishes with my feet! Soak your feet in warm, sudsy water then if you can bribe someone to rub them, go for it! I paint my toes and then do some cute designs. I dip a toothpick in nailpolish and then carefully make dots - flowers, hearts, or polka dots. Finish with a top coat - I like a quick dry since I am so impatient!

5. Cream, cream, cream - Cam says you could sand wood with my feet, that's  how dry they are (he says the sweetest things) so I am constantly putting cream on and then putting socks on to keep it in. Also, the best time to put it on your body is after a shower - don't dry off, put the cream on right away, it seals in all the moisture. I also use Aqua Phor on my lips - it is the best lip cream I've ever used! You can find it in the baby aisle.

6. Tennis balls - they are great for massaging out the "kinks" Roll your feet on top of them, place one between your back and the wall or the floor and roll back and fourth. It relieves a lot of pressure.

7. Eye Pillow - Cucumbers and cold tea bags are great for your eyes, but another idea is an eye pillow. I made one out of 2 strips of material - one silky and one flannel and filled it with dried split peas. It has enough weight to feel really good on tired eyes and blocks out ALL light. I've taken this on youth group retreats - it really works!

8. Baths - There is nothing economical about a bath - just luxurious!! I love them with bubbles - I buy the 78 cents shampoo and use that - they have great scents and make good bubbles. I will also add tea bags to my bath - someone asked me if it stains your skin - I wish it did, but alas, it doesn't.

9. Know when to call in a proffessional - I am not naming names but someone I know decided to wax her own eyebrows. Now waxing is something I have never done, but apparantly you shouldn't do this on yourself and her remaining eyebrow would agree.

So go ahead - spoil yourself rotten - if you're doing it at home you can afford it, since you are saving all those cents!

Are You an Eeyore or a Tigger?

I love working with 1st graders - they tell it like it is. According to them I am the most beautiful singer, the prettiest teacher and the best "colorer" (one out of three of those statements is true!)

Every Monday morning we sit in a circle and pass around the feelings basket.
It is filled with 4 different colored balls. Each color represents a different feeling.
Red = Mad
Blue = Sad
Green = Excited
Purple = Happy

Most days they will pull out the purple ball and say "I feel happy because I'm happy".

Simple.

I just read an article where the author concluded that the most fulfilling kind of happiness is the one that isn't connected to your circumstances. When your feelings are effected by what's going on in your life it becomes fleeting and unsustainable. Nobody can have good things happen to them constantly and believe it or not, no one can have bad things happen to them constantly either (though it may not feel that way!)

I found that very interesting.

In the Bible there is a short little verse that reads:
"Be joyful always" 1 Thessalonians 5:16

Simple, right? But what does it mean to be joyful? I used to connect joy with a feeling that might come and go.
New bike = joy. Failed test = no joy.

But when I began reading the Bible and understanding the words I realized that joy was not an emotion, but a decision based on my relationship with God. I was His child with all the acceptance, love and "perks" that come with it. Therefore I could "be joyful always" - no matter the circumstances, no matter the feeling. Oswald Chambers says in his book My Utmost for His Highest "Joy means the perfect fulfilment of that for which I was created and regenerated, not the successful doing of a thing."

Now joy and happiness are two different things. I wasn't "happy" when my mom died, but I did have "joy". I knew that I would see her again, that she was in Heaven and that God would give me the strength to get through it. I was "happy" when my kids were born, but I also had "joy" that somehow was even deeper than the happiness I was feeling at the moment.

I often think of Tigger and Eeyore - nothing could make Eeyore happy and nothing could make Tigger sad.

But was there joy in Tigger's life? Do we walk around with a sappy smile on our face (and a spring in our tail) ignoring what is happening around us or are we really feeling our feelings and choosing to have "joy" in them?

Or are we like Eeyore? Are we making everyone around us sad because we let our circumstances dictate our emotions instead of choosing joy no matter the circumstance?

It's something to think about. I want to be like my 1st graders - I want to be happy because I'm happy but more than that I want to have joy because I am the Lord's child - now that makes sense!!

I'm Dating Again!

And my boyfriends first name is Cameron!! Yes, I'm dating my husband - after all these years it's been fun to reconnect with the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with! But it's easy for us - we don't need a babysitter.

When our kids were little, a friend told us that we should have a date night once a week, an overnight date once a month and a week of vacation (without kids) once a year - YEAH RIGHT!! He had 2 kids and a job where he earned a lot of money and air miles - I was a stay at home mom who was married to a pastor - but I was creative!

We would barter with other moms to trade off babysitting, call up Mimi and Boppie or we would use a youth group kid (Cam was the youth pastor, so we had a good connection.)  If I was going to pay a babysitter - and with 4 kids, I paid - I wanted to get the most bang for my buck.

We would try to go out late in the afternoon and be back after dinner. Most teens are willing to give up their Saturday afternoon as opposed to their Saturday night. And do you really want to pay someone to sit in your house while your kids are sleeping - let them do dinner and bedtime and then arrive home to a quiet house. And meals are cheaper at a restaurant during lunch or early bird specials - same food, lower prices.

If you plan to see a movie, a matinee is cheaper than night time - or go to dinner, pay the sitter and then watch the movie at home while the kids are asleep.

We only did this once, but it worked - we traded houses with a friend. She took care of my kids at her house while we had a nice dinner at her house (which she had prepared for us.) We then returned the favor the next night. The kids had a blast, it was like dinning at a country inn and there were no waitresses to tip.

Learn something new while the kids are being cared for. One Christmas Cam gave me the gift of a new bed - but there was a catch - we were going to make it. We had a friend who was a shop teacher and Cam had arranged for us to go to his shop once a week to work on our bed. We learned something new, spent time together and felt refreshed when we returned home to the kids.

The best gift you can give to your kids is to love their father or mother (yes, your spouse) and that means carving out the time to spend alone with them. It's hard work - I get that, but it is worth the effort, because eventually you are going to have kids that are in high school, one who is in college in Florida and one who is student teaching in the Dominican Republic - oh wait, that's me. But my point is, your day will come - and if you get there and you have no relationship with your spouse because you didn't nurture it along the way - it makes no sense!!

Old Man Winter, I Don't Mind You!

There is a lot of excitement in the North East = Warm weather has come - at least for the weekend! Winter tends to be LONGGGG especially around here. At school the months leading up to winter are fun - 1st day of school, Jewish Holidays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas - oops I mean "winter holiday". But then after the break comes January, February, March....

Here are a few things that have helped me enjoy this season:

The Happy Lite - yes that is what it's called - it's put out by a company called Verilux. A couple of years ago when I was telling a friend how blah I felt in the winter she "turned me on" hahaha to this light. It simulate daylight - now it's not cheap - mine was $160 but to have bottled sunshine in my kitchen all winter long - priceless. I sit there in the morning while reading and drinking my coffee, the kids turn it on when doing their homework, we eat dinner by it (when it is getting dark at 4:30pm it's nice to have some "sunlight") and the dog even snuggles in front of it - which tells me it really works - dogs don't know how to read the word "simulator", so it must have her fooled.

Walking every day - this is the first year I have ever been this consistent in the winter and I really like it. I don't even mind the cold which is a first for me. But if I don't go first thing in the morning, I defiantly can find an excuse not to do it when I get home from school.

Countdown - someone told me that on the first day of winter - Dec. 21 (yes, we keep track of things like that at school -we just celebrated the 100th day of school - I don't think Cam is doing that at his job!) anyway - on Dec. 21 the days actually begin to get longer -I never knew that- it felt like the opposite, but she assured me it is true. So now I keep track of what the sun is doing -
Rising at 6:42 am   Setting at 5:38 pm - we are almost there!!

Day Light Savings - Yes they have shorten this period so the short days don't feel quite as short -  the clocks change again in 3 weeks.

Snow Days - any teacher will tell you that they enjoy the day off from school probably more than the kids do - why do you think we tell them to wear their pajamas inside out and sleep with a spoon under their pillow - just don't talk to us in June!

Blogging - secret confession -I don't like to write! I was never one of those people that kept a journal - now don't get me wrong, I have journals -lots of them, all with ONE page written in. When I mentioned to Cam this "blog idea" I was horrified when 15 minutes later he slipped the laptop to me and said "write, I'll make dinner" YIKES!! He had created a whole blog site for me and I had no excuse not to do it - why did he choose this idea to listen to. But I am so glad he did - because I am loving it!! I really like to type so I think that has helped me and apparently I have A LOT of opinions on how to save money - who knew!!

So enjoy this weather - while it lasts - and let me know what you are doing that is making you and your family a lot of cents!

Spending $ Sometimes Makes Cents!

Somebody asked me what the "Purpose of my blog was?" Yikes, not only did I have to write, but I needed a purpose!
Then I realized that was easy - "How my family saves money" - DUH!

But as much as I love to save money I also LOVE to invest it!
No - I am not some savvy stock market geek - I wish I was. I just believe that spending money to better yourself, marriage or family is money well spent. Bottom line - I want those that I love to grow in their relationship with God!

So this past weekend 5 out of our 6 family member were doing just that (sorry Colin, someone has to go to school:)

Megan paid money to go to a Young Life Camp for Jr. High kids in the Dominican Republic where she is doing her student teaching. We paid our church to take Dylan and Ryan on a Sr. High Youth Group Winter Weekend -believe me that was money well spent! And Cam and I paid to go to a marriage conference at Sandy Cove along with some other couples from our church.
 What do all these things have in common???? They cost us money and they were WELL worth it!

So my "purpose" for this blog hasn't changed. But don't work so hard at saving money that you forget why it is that you are doing it. If you  lose sight of  the things in your life that are important and that you value - it doesn't make cents!

SIDE BAR: I would be interested in knowing who is reading my blog. It would help me gear the blog towards the audience. If it's all college students, I'll hold back on the "Making your own Baby Food" articles and start writing the "Traveling the Seven Seas for Seven Dollars a Day" articles! So if you aren't already signed up as a follower, please do (if you don't know how, ask a teenager) Someone asked me if it costs money to "follow" NO, but if it makes you feel better you can put $10 in an envelope and send it to me! And if this is way too much of a commitment for you, please continue to stalk me for free.  And thank you for all the kind, supportive, and encouraging comments you've given so far - I appreciate it!

You love me, you love me not

Warning!!
4 Days Left!!
Do the math, look at a calender or better yet, turn on the TV - you can't miss that Valentine's Day is just around the corner. What a great day to tell those around you how much they mean to you -  but like any American holiday you can't celebrate without spending a lot of money, right? - well think again.

Cam and I used to play a game with our kids when they first started to walk - we would sit on opposite sides of the room and put the baby in the middle, then we would say -" come to the one you love" whichever person they came to won! Hopefully these ideas will be better than that.

1.Love notes written on paper hearts are one idea. I gave each child their own color paper heart, wrote what we loved about them and strung them throughout the house. So when they woke up that morning encouraging words were everywhere!! We even made one for my dad - yes, Boppie - and hung it in his kitchen - he kept that up for quite a while :)

2.How about cooking up their favorite foods, a heart shaped cake or cookies - red food dye is optional. You could act like the chef and ask for their special request for a nice dinner. Then go around the table and say what you love about each other.

3. Your kids could pick a sibling that could be their special "valentine" and they could do special things for them and write them notes the week before V. Day, trying not to get caught = you could have a big reveal at the end of the week.

4. Dads- why not surprise your daughter with a breakfast date. Cam was so committed to his daughter (and eating out) that they braved an ice storm to get to the restaurant one year. He also made sure not only to have a card for me, but also one for Megan - hopefully she will marry a man that treats her as well as her dad treats her mom.

5. Breakfast in bed is a great way for anyone to start their day -whether it's Valentine or Tuesday!

6. Once kids reach school age - the valentines fun begins -  when I was in 2nd grade and had a serious crush on a boy, I signed all my cards with my name but to the boy I liked I only told him of my undying love - anonymously of course- well it wasn't too hard for him to figure out that he got a signed card from everyone else in the class  and an anonymous one from me - now that's putting the RED in valentines!
This is one tradition  hasn't been banned from schools yet - we still make boxes or bags and each student fills it with cards for each of their classmates - now , some have candy attached, some with food coupons, but most are just signed. I used to have my kids make their own cards but let's get real - you can buy a box of 20 for $1. So unless you really enjoy doing this, go to the dollar store and buy a box or better yet, wait till after Valentine's Day and you can get them for 50% off and save them for next year!!

7. Scavenger Hunts are great with kids! You can hide little treats around the house, or write a message on a poster board and cut it apart - puzzle style and hide those pieces - they love to put it back together and read the secret message.

8. The infamous "Coupon Book" appears every V. day at our house- the only problem with the free "back rub, do the dishes, cut the lawn, take out the trash" coupon is that it is harder to redeem them than airline miles - at least in our house!! But they sure are cute!

9. I know it's fun to be self absorbed, but how about thinking of someone who might not get a card - a neighbor, nursing home resident, etc. Make some cards, or little crafts and hand deliver them - the smile you and the kids receive back is priceless.

10. One year we did a house swap with another couple. We offered to take their kids to McDonald's and a playground and the couple came to our house where I had made a simple dinner for them. They then returned the favor  - it's like dinning out, without the crowds or expense.

11. Since V. day falls in winter - how about an indoor picnic - Cam and I packed a basket and drove to a covered bridge in our area - we did dine with the car on, but it was still romantic!!

And what could show someone you love them more than blogging with them - yes, Meg and I wrote this together while skyping tonite - if that isn't love, I don't know what is. Spending time with those you love sure does makes cents!!

talk IS cheap!

I mean this sincerely - talk IS cheap! I am generally an encouraging person! If I were a super hero, my name would be the Big E and I could breath underwater - that last trait has nothing to do with encouragement I just think it would be cool.

My favorite person from the Bible is Barnabas - and of course Jesus.
He was the Apostle Paul's sidekick who went out telling the world about Jesus. When Paul started bad mouthing John Mark because he wasn't doing a good job, Barnabas stood up for him and offered to take John Mark with him and teach him how to do a good job! Now that is encouraging!
You can read about this in Acts 15:35-41 (page 853 in my Bible)

I have the pleasure of teaching with a lady who is Pollyanna, Mary Poppins and Ms. Frizz - remember her from the Magic School Bus? all rolled up into one. Everyday she greets our 1st graders like they are the most important people alive. Her positive attitude is contagious. If kids are misbehaving instead of pointing out the bad behaviour she will point out who is doing the right thing - "Look at Susie sitting at her seat with her pencil out - she looks ready" (all done in that great teacher voice) Immediately you have 25 other kids scrambling to do the right thing so she will recognize them - it is magic, try it at home!

Over the years I have worked with some challenging students and last year I was introduced to a behaviour chart that actually works! I am not a big fan of charts and rewards although I did put Cheerios in the toilet and let my boys "sink" them to encourage potty training! But this chart works because it uses positive language. If a child is making a good choice it is written in the good choice column. If they make a bad choice, you write it on the bad choice side and then brainstorm how they could turn it into a good choice. Once they do, they cross out the bad choice and write in the new good choice - SO SIMPLE. And at the end of the day if all the bad choices are crossed out and only good choices remain - REWARD! Which is as simple as feeding the fish or reading a book or sinking Cheerios.

They say it takes 7 positive words to cancel out 1 negative. When my kids would fight with each other I would make them sit knee to knee and say 5 nice things about each other - no repeats, since they would let the other go first and then just repeat back word for word what they had just said - they would get to giggling so hard, the fight would be over. - I still threaten to have them do this but maybe I need to up it to 7.

Everyone likes to hear a kind word - whether it is written or said out loud. Our kids like to write us notes and slip them into our lunches. Before Cam leaves on a trip we hide letters in his bag. I sometimes find one tucked under my pillow. A friend and her daughter share a journal that they communicate in and pass it back and forth. One birthday each of the kids and Cam wrote me a letter telling me what I meant to them. It takes no money, just the time and energy to build up another person and let them know how important they are.

The Bible says "Therefore encourage one another" and this makes a lot of SENSE!!

Play Ball

Driving home from church today I asked the boys what I should write about today - "Nothing" was the first response but then they said how about playing sports. With 4 kids that take after their Mom- haha, sports have been a part of our lives.

How cute are little 5 year olds running en mass after a soccer ball - pretty darn cute! But we knew we had to pace ourselves - 4 kids, 3 sports season, not including summer could equal a lot of sports. So before we got swept up and started signing contracts Cam and I decided "how much sports" was a good thing for our family.

We came to the conclusion that 1 sport per season was plenty. We tried to find leagues that focused on team building more than winning and we wanted our kids to try many different sports - they didn't have to play forever but they had to finish the season. And if we could get multiple children on the same team - all the better - our chances were good, since they are all 2 years apart and we were able to do this for number of sports and when they swam - all 4 could be on the same team.

Then as heredity would have it we got that fateful phone call - Megan has been selected for the travel softball team
- in additional to the regular team. New territory for us. We asked a lot of questions and decided that the extra time, money and focus on just one child didn't fit into our families values.
Was she crushed?
Disappointed?
In need of therapy?
None of the above - we told her how nice it was to be asked, but in the end, she was still playing softball - we just weren't driving 200 miles to do so.

By the time kids reach jr. high - a wonderful thing happens - school sports! Where they stay after to practice and play games -  no extra nights out, no driving and it's free! There is one catch - you have to make the team, but the good thing is, there are plenty of options - not just sports, but the arts, clubs, etc. There was even an "Amazing Race" club where they sat around and watched reruns of the show - really!

We had the same rule for school sports - only one, if you made the school team, no community team, but if you didn't make the school team we would scramble to get you signed up for the community team or encouraged you to get involved in another activity.

And let's not underestimate the value of unorganized sports - playing tag in the backyard, jumping on the trampoline, getting crushed in badminton by your mom!

This has worked for our family - sports are a part of who we are, not the whole thing. I want my kids to love God first, others second and have fun third. If all we focused on was sports, it would be hard to fit the other 2 in. And the older they have gotten, they have zoned in on a few things and doing those few things well. We have been able to be at their games, concerts, art shows, etc. because there wasn't a gazillion of them. It is fun to see who God has made them to be and how He has gifted them to serve Him - and for us - it always makes cents!

Walk Is Cheap

There used to be a "little" health club in our town called the NAC - I say used to because now it is an entire kingdom of physical fitness. But back in the day when my kids were little we joined the NAC. It seemed like the perfect solution - free babysitting while mom and dad got physically fit. But there is something about paying to exercise that makes me not want to do it. You would think that psychologically it would click that if I am shelling out money each month I would be motivated to get there. But it never seemed to work that way. But right outside my door is a whole world of physical fitness just waiting and for some reason it works for me. I live in a great neighborhood that has 1 main street and that street is exactly 1 mile in length so if I leave my house and walk to the end of the street and back I have logged in 2 miles. Now this has always worked for me in the warmer months but until this year I haven't ventured out to conquer snow walking. I started as all good Americans do on Jan. 1st to walk everyday. I laid out my clothes the night before - 2 pairs of sweatpants, socks, sweatshirt, hat, gloves and winter coat. Cued up my ipod with my playlist and just got walking. Normally I am always freezing in winter - but something has happened since I started walking - I'm invigorated, energizes, blogging!! Who knew that 30 minutes of sunshine, fresh air and exercise could do this to a girl. And the best part is that it's FREE!!! Yes, no gas to get somewhere, fees to pay, sweaty bodies to fight over equipment with. It's right at my doorstep. It takes a little self talk - "you can do it Mary" "I'm so proud of you" and some sweet notes from my husband that he leaves by my coffee but I am committed and a little hooked on it. And of course - it just makes cents!!

ice cream cake or the beginning of a blog

So this all started at a going away party for my daughter. She was leaving to do her student teaching in the Dominic Republic for 6 weeks and wanted to have a party to say good bye, be prayed for and basically have an excuse to eat something yummy!! Being so soon after the holidays I knew no one was expecting anything heavy, elaborate or remotely resembling a Christmas cookie. So what to serve? What do you make when it is 20 degrees outside and you aren't quite sure if 10 or 50 people will be showing up (who invented the e-vite anyway?) Ice Cream Cake to the rescue! Now, let it be known that our family LOVES ice cream - no matter the temperature or occasion - we've been known to serve it instead of birthday cake since everyone would ask for "ice cream hold the cake". And I could NEVER bring myself to shell out $30 for a Carvel cake that would feed 10 (did I mention that I was "thrifty" or as my husband would say "cheap" - I take it as a compliment with 4 kids, 2 in college, a roof over our heads, food everyday, a dog to feed and having traveled around the world - thrifty is GOOD!) So I made my own giant ice cream cake. To me it was a no brainer but the night we served it you would have thought I had created a new food group - "you made this" "it must have taken days" "you're so clever" - oh, that last one was me. I tend to do thing that just make CENTS - I see the problem, solve it and do so as frugally as possible. That night they told me I should write a blog with all my good ideas - you can be the judge of that!
Here is my recipe for ice cream cake - use what you have, improvise where needed and create to your own taste - but most of all pat yourself on the back for saving money and doing something yourself - quickly and might I add - quite well:

Tub of vanilla ice cream - 3 gallons
Tub of Chocolate ice cream
Chocolate Syrup
3 Whipped Cream
Crushed generic oreos- put in a plastic bag and smash with a heavy spoon
jimmies, sprinkles or whatever your fam. calls them
Any other ingredients you love in your ice cream - coconut, caramel, candy pieces but I don't recommend pretzels - they get soggy

Let the ice cream sit out till soft - it's just easier. I use a big tin baking pan from the dollar store to make it in. Spread a layer of cookies, then spoon out a tub of ice cream - spreading evenly. Another layer of cookies and chocolate syrup. Second tub of ice cream on top of that. More cookies, syrup and then spread whipped cream on top and sprinkle with cookies and jimmies.My kids like to write a message on top of the cake with the chocolate syrup. Place back in the freezer over night - cover loosely-. When you are ready to serve, let it sit out for 10 minutes.
Enjoy!! - I think I'll go have a piece now.